Unbearably Rude?

The below article has stirred a fair bit of debate amongst my circle of friends here in KL. Some who adamantly agree, some who completely disagree, and some, like me, are somewhere in the middle. What is the reason for such different perspectives when we have certainly all observed the type of behavior mentioned in the first couple of lines of the article?

Well, a couple of things come to mind. First, amongst this group of friends are Americans, Malaysians, English, Uzbek, Indonesian, New Zealanders, as well as a few others I've failed to mention here. So, perhaps we are all basing our interpretations of this behavior on our own paradigms of what constitues polite behavior? The friend from Uzbekistan finds people's behavior here pretty damn polite when she compares it with her experiences in Moscow.

My own take? First, the study was high on assumption and low on taking into consideration cultural norms. Second, all of these notions of "politeness" that they mention, in my opinion are less about being unpolite and more about being inconsiderate. Yes, I believe there is a difference. The three measures that they used:

1. Someone dropping a pile of papers in the middle of the road
In Asia especially it could actually be construed as more polite to not help and instead pretend that you didn't see them, to save the person who has dropped the papers embarrassment. Not unlike when someone trips and you pretend not to have seen.

In the western context, it would be impolite to point and laugh, where as it would be inconsiderate (as in not taking into account the feelings of the person who dropped them) to drive around the papers or over them, or to walk through the mess without attempting to help...

2. Holding vs. opening a door for someone

When someone is walking through a door ahead of you, and drops it on you... this is inconsiderate behavior, especially if you have your hands full. This does unfortunately happen a bit too often here. It's not that they needed to run ahead and open the door for you, as a means of being polite, but they might have showed a bit more consideration, since you were right behind them and it would've taken two tenths of a second longer not to let the door fall onto you...

In the west, I know more than one guy who has been scared by one too many ultra feminist women into not holding the door for a woman for fear she might 1) yell at him 2) walk out in the middle of their date... Again, the cultural aspect. Feminism has not reached this extreme in Asia.

3. Saying thank you in a shop. Okay, that is just polite. But to be honest, its rare that someone doesn't say thank you to me when I make a purchase somewhere. SO I'm not sure where these people were shopping. ALTHOUGH, one other thing about Malay culture here is that people here tend to be quite shy and often will not speak to you unless you speak first, so if the researchers approached these transactions expecting to be spoken to first, then the thank you may have never happened. If the transaction was more or less silent throughout, it was likely because the cashier was not confident in using English with them. Here, less about politeness, more about something else.

All in all, my take on it. Inconsiderate behavior runs high here. With regards to driving, getting on and off trains, and cellphone use especially. But in some respects, it may actually be the Asian form of politeness that leads to excessive inconsiderate behavior.

Case in point. If you jumped a line in the grocery store in America, there are few people who would have any qualms about telling you to go to the back of the line. However, here... it is incredibly inconsiderate to jump a line, sure. BUT, in Asian culture it is certainly just as rude, if not more rude, to embarrass the person who has just jumped the line by saying something about it. ESPECIALLY if they are older than you.

Malay, Chinese, and Indian culture all have their own ideas about what is polite and impolite. As does every other culture in the world. I have certainly offended local people's sensibilities with my own way of doing things, which is not considered rude where I come from. So, I guess I find the survey interesting, but kind of like I find stupid quizzes in women's magazines interesting... Interesting because of how unscientific, biased, and ultimately wrong they can be...